For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a wife and a mother. It was my dream of dreams. And while God and I were on the same page as far as the dream was concerned, the road He took me down to get to that point was a different one than I had in mind.

April 2004 came the culmination of a LONG struggle with God over whether or not we would ever get pregnant. Ben and I were at church, and we were all spending time individually meditating on Scripture and praying. I had been struggling with the idea of asking God for an answer one way or the other--setting out a fleece, so to speak. For some reason I felt like my faith was weak if I asked Him for an answer. I gave up the struggle and finally said, "Father, I can't keep pretending that my faith is stronger than it is right now. The truth is, if You're willing to tell me, I need to know if I will give birth to our children." So I started reading in the Psalms from The Message, and came across Psalm 128. The passage itself was pretty reassuring, but what really struck me was verse four.

1 All you who fear GOD, how blessed you are! how
happily you walk on his smooth straight road!

2 You worked hard and deserve all you've got coming.
Enjoy the blessing! Revel in the goodness!

3 Your wife will bear children as a vine bears grapes,
your household lush as a vineyard,
The children around your table
as fresh and promising as young olive shoots.

4 Stand in awe of God's Yes.
Oh, how he blesses the one who fears GOD!

Stand in awe of God's Yes. He had very directly given me my answer. He knew I was going to need that answer in the next year.

In September of 2004 I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, a condition which--in my case--caused me to ovulate erratically if at all. My doctor put me on Glucophage to see if that would help settle things down. It worked to a certain extent, but I still didn't seem to be ovulating on a regular basis. It was at this point that I believe God have another verse to help me hang on. This one from Lamentations 3:28-29 in The Message

When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself.  Enter the silence.  Bow in prayer.  Don't ask questions:  Wait for hope to appear.

Three months later, Ben graduated from college, so we were really ready to get serious about getting pregnant. I knew I was going to need help ovulating, and in my research about PCOS, I read that a Reproductive Endocrinologist was the best person to go to, because he could treat both the infertility and the PCOS. Unfortunately there was only one RE in the entire state that took the insurance that we had at the time. We went to our first appointment in January 2005, and it turned out to be a rather devastating experience. Rather than treating me for the PCOS, this doctor was more interested in getting me signed up for in-vetro fertilization. So between that and the fact that this doctor's office was COVERED in fertility gods, we decided that we needed to step back and find another rout to getting pregnant. In February, I went to my regular OB-GYN to see if he could do anything to help me. He suggested that we just try a few rounds of Clomid. If that didn't work, then we'd discuss the next step then. After only one round of Clomid, we got pregnant in March of 2005!!!!!

My pregnancy was really went without incident for the most part. Then in September (6 months) I started having problems with severe swelling in my legs, hands and even in my face. I went from a size 7 1/2 shoe to a 9 and I traded in my size 7 1/4 wedding ring for a whopping size 10 almost over night. Even my nose doubled in size!!! My blood pressure also started to creep up. So in October I was diagnosed with PIH (toxemia), took my maternity leave early and was put on modified bed rest.

Toward the middle of November, my doctor wanted to go ahead and induce me, so on November 18th I went in for an induction. I was there almost 12 hours, and I was still not progressing. But because my blood pressure was elevated but safe and he knew I was taking care of myself, my doctor allowed me to go home instead of taking me in for a c-section. I don't recover very quickly from surgeries, so I wanted to do everything I could do avoid a cesarian. Two weeks later, my sister-in-law took me in for my weekly appointment (because I could no longer fit behind the wheel of my car!!). I had gained 15 pounds (of water) and my blood pressure shot up to 198/110--way too high for me to wait to go into labor naturally. So Treshia took me over to the birth center and got me settled. Ben arrived from his job in Denver soon after. Later that evening we called our doula and she came over and stayed with us for a while and make sure that we had everything that we needed. She left a little after midnight, and Ben and I tried our best to settle in for the night. Between the noise from the fetal monitor, the nurses coming in and poking me, and the fact that I was having trouble breathing or getting comfortable, I ended up having to take a sleeping pill so I could actually get some rest.

The next morning, Desirre, our doula and my sister Bridget came and got settled in for a long day. Ben's family was in and out, helping keep Ben's mind off of his worry. When Desirre came, she told us that she had a dream the night before that she said gave her a wonderful sense of peace. We all felt that the Lord had given her that dream as a sign that my labor would go smoothly. The day went rather well as far as unmedicated labors go. Especially since I was tied down to the bed with all the external fetal monitor belts and wasn't able to get up and move around to help with the pain. And just as she had always done, Adriana kept rolling away from the monitors, so it was becoming increasingly difficult to get a good heart reading on her. So after discussing all the pros and cons, we decided to have them break my water and do an internal fetal monitor. My contractions were noticeably more painful, but I was no longer tied down to the bed and could walk around. It helped a lot with the pain and it really got my labor moving along. Around 2 o'clock, Ben's brother took him out to lunch to give him a breather, and Desirre ran home to take care of a few things, and Bridget stayed with me. When Desirre came back, things started to pick up. At about 3 o'clock, I had them call Ben back to the hospital, because I knew something was happening, and it was happening fast. At a little before 4:30 my nurse came and checked me, and I was completely dilated and effaced and ready to push when I wanted to. The only think I remember about the pushing phase was that at one point between pushes, I turned to Desirre and said, "At least I know the next three will be easier than this." I pushed on my side for about an hour, and Adriana Hope was born at 5:42 pm on December 2, 2005--two weeks before her due date of December 17th. I wasn't able to hold her immediately after she was born because she needed some oxygen, and the doctor was busy trying to stop me from hemorrhaging.

P.S.

Just as a side note, about two days after we had been home I ended up back in the hospital with what the ER doctor labeled congestive heart failure. Before they moved me to a room, I spent four hours in the ER with the most horrendous headache of my life from the nitroglycerine patch they put on me to bring down my blood pressure before I had a stroke. After a TON of tests, they decided that my heart and lungs were perfectly healthy. It was just I had taken on so much water from the toxemia that my body was too tired to process it all out on its own. So after two and a half days in the hospital and almost 50 pounds lost in 24 hours, I was finally able to come home and get settled with our new baby.