Flakes of Bran

Time to Speak Up

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 22:36:00 +0000

I've got a bone to pick with the body of Christ (aka, the Church). What is your deal with the mentally ill? From what I can tell, there are two schools of thought on this issue—a:you're not right with God or b: let's just pretend there's not an issue and it will all go away. As someone who IS mentally ill, neither one of those is a good solution to the problem—and there IS a problem. I realize that my particular illness is one of the milder ones. But I'm sure those with schizophrenia or multiple personality disorder would say the same thing. Where are you when we need you?

All I Need Is Jesus
First I want to speak to those who thing that psychology is nothing but Freudian poppycock. Honestly, that's like saying that all medical doctors of today are peddling nothing but snake oil. Psychology is no different than cardiology or any other medical specialty. Cardiology is the study of the heart and vascular system—how it works and how to treat it when something goes wrong. Psychology is the study of the mental processes and behaviors of the mind and how to treat it when something goes wrong. While I'm sure they had some very grounded ideas, Freud and Jung and numerous others also did the science of psychology a great disservice by presenting very subjective and untestable theories as fact. But you can't throw the baby out with the bathwater on this. Disorders like schizophrenia, MPD, depression and bipolar are very real problems. Yes, they ARE all in our heads *grin* but they are most definitely NOT imaginary. And just like anyone else would take medication for an ailment, whether it be a thyroid deficiency, diabetes, or a simple headache, people with mental disorders should have the same freedom to do so without someone telling them "you need to get your heart right with God," or "read your Bible and pray more." Really, if these disorders were an issue of sin or needing more time with God, don't you think that the problem would be resolved when we started doing that? Christians mean well when they tell us these things, but all it ends up doing is making us feel guilty when it DOESN'T solve the problem. I found a short article on about.com that speaks directly to this.

Diane, a member of our forums, shared her experience and frustration with the views of Lisa and Ryan Bazler, authors of Psychology Debunked – a book and weekly newsletter proclaiming to expose psychology and exalt Christ. In response to one of this group’s newsletters Diane writes, “If bipolar disorder is fake then what is happening to us? Why can we feel our bodies shift from one state to another? Is PMS all in our minds? Is the brain not a physical part of the body? Can it not malfunction? Is Alzheimers fake too? Are you saying that a malfunctioning brain cannot affect the body and mind? If you do not believe in drug therapy and psychology then what is your alternative medicine? People are dealing with this everyday so saying that it doesn't exist isn't helping anyone....Although there are Christians who are against any kind of medicines, a lot of Christians think its fine to take meds for ‘physical’ problems, but not for ‘psychological’ problems. Well, physically there's proof of brain damage from manias. Apparently there's also research indicating that depressions cause brain shrinkage. Also MRIs clearly show variations in brain functioning between those who are normal and those with depression. When a person is depressed, the brain colors are all kinds of blues. When a person is manic, the brain lights up with reds and yellows. These are physical manifestations of what some people call a purely emotional problem.”

I do have to make a confession on the whole "get your heart right" solution, though. In my particular case of bipolar disorder, while others tend to get overly hyperactive and throw caution to the wind, I get very irritable and angry. And as a result, I say things and do thing that I would not normally do. I say very hateful and hurtful things to my wonderful husband, who usually just looks me in the eye and says, "did you take your meds this morning?" He knows I don't mean them, and yes, controlling my tongue is VERY hard, but just because it's a result of my bipolar doesn't mean that I'm issued a "get out of jail free" card when it comes to sin. I am still responsible for what I do and say. I still have to go back to God, Ben (and sometimes Adriana) and ask for forgiveness. I'm still responsible to continue to work on controlling my tongue and my anger when I'm in my right mind so that when my mood does swing, I can take myself out of the situation and there for "run from the temptation" to blow up.

Please Understand Me
I also want to speak to those in the Body who just want to pretend the problem doesn't exist or that we could get better help elsewhere. I think the following statement from the above article pretty much sums it up perfectly.

“If Christians are truly the Body of Christ and God has made it clear that no one is supposed to go it on their own then why in the world would we assume that we are supposed to be strong enough on our own with mental disorders?

Mental disorders affect all areas of life—physical, mental, and even spiritual. Especially spiritual! I can tell you from my own experience with bipolar disorder that my biggest struggle has been spiritual. For two years before my diagnosis, my spiritual walk was anything but easy. I could no longer hear God speaking to me. My prayers, if I could utter them at all, were powerless and hollow. Many times, all I could get out was, "help." I did my devotions, I read my Bible constantly, I went to church. Nothing made it go away. Then once I had a diagnosis, that's when all the questions started. "Why me? Did I do something wrong? Is God mad at me?" That's also when the Enemy began to whisper questions and accusations to me. "How can you be the Christian you think you are? You've hardly prayed at all in the last two years. And with all that anger and the constant snide comments, who are you fooling? You haven't acted any differently than any other unbeliever. Besides...if you have the Holy Spirit like you say you do, shouldn't you be able to control your temper? Because you didn't do a very good job of it." The guilt weighed heavily on my heart. And while I had a friend or two who told me that God hadn't left me and that everything would be okay (and I'm VERY thankful for that), I needed more. I needed someone to come alongside me and tell me that there was nothing to be ashamed of. I needed someone to understand the struggle (or at least try) and tell me they'd help me sort things out. I need to know that I wasn't alone. What I needed a support group—a group of fellow believers on the same rocky road was just thrown on. But you know what? There isn't one. In Colorado Springs—the evangelical Mecca with Christian ministries galore and a church on EVERY corner—there's nothing. If they're out there, I haven't found them. I can only make guesses as to why there's nothing out there for Christians like me. Shame is probably the biggest one. Because of the stigma attached to mental illness, we don't want to tell anyone we have it. So we end up toughing it out on our own...suffering silently in the process.

Please don't ignore us. I know some of us might be a little weird sometimes and might make you uncomfortable, but a lot of that stuff we can't control. That's why we're on medication. In talking about this, a certain woman named Judy comes to mind. If you were friends with me at Northland during my freshman year ('92-'93), you probably heard a story or two about Judy. She was a woman in her 40's who came faithfully to First Bible Baptist every Sunday. Judy was...um...interesting. I'm not exactly sure what she had, but she frequently wandered around the sanctuary, choir loft and the empty baptistry DURING the service. Sometimes her journey was accompanied by different animal noises. Pastor Keck would put his arm around her and lead her back to the people she was sitting with—he never missed a beat in his sermon. No one gave it a second thought. They all loved Judy and did what they could to help her in her walk with Christ. I'll admit that my only real interaction with Judy kinda freaked me out. She was sharing with me before the service one night that she was very disappointed with the meat selection in her care home and that she was seriously considering reverting back to cannibalism—children to be specific. That's why she stayed upstairs in the morning while we held AWANA downstairs. She didn't want to be tempted. My only response to her was, "Oh, Judy...you...don't want to do that...." I was taken off guard. I didn't know what else to say. I didn't understand her. That was the real issue—I didn't understand.

Did you know that 90% of people who commit suicide have some type of mental disorder at the time of their death? Did you know that in marriages where one spouse is bipolar that 90% of them end in divorce (Psychology Today, Nov 2003)? Even the question of whether or not to start a family comes into question—something I personally am in the middle of now. Had I known that I was at a much higher risk for developing postpartum psychosis, I'm not sure that I would have tried to get pregnant this time. I at least would have waited until my disorder was a little more stabilized. Maybe you're not someone who struggles with any of these or has a family member who does (I have four&mdashyou can borrow one of mine!). If you don't know anything about what we have, ask us. Please don't judge us—this isn't something we asked for. When we've got medications to help our bodies function normally, we're just like anyone else you know. We have jobs and homes and families and hobbies. We hate Monday morning traffic, and enjoy a weekend get-away every so often. I'm not saying that someone needs to start something FOR us. I only ask that you make the church a safe place for us to come out of the "mental illness closet" and try to support one another.

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 19:32:00 +0000

I went to bed last night frustrated with my niece who refuses to make wise choices and woke up with a headache. And as usual, I didn't get a shower this morning. I tried to be positive and tell myself it wasn't going to be a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day.

I took my bipolar meds, but they don't seem to be working. I tried to start a load of laundry before I sat down to eat breakfast, but my blood sugar dropped too quickly and I almost passed out on the stairs on my way up. The dog ate Adriana's eggs and then took up residence in my pile of clean towels that needs to be folded. Some how the dishes in the sink mated and multiplied last night before I could get them in the dishwasher. I still tried to be positive that it was NOT going to be a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day.

I tried to finally get my curtains hung in the living room. I had to stand on the back of the couch to get enough leverage to get the screws in the wall, and stripped two of the screw heads in the process. Even then they wouldn't go all the way in. Then I realized that the decorative tie-backs I got to match the rod won't work where I hung the curtains, because there is only a flat wall on the right side of the window (it's a recessed window). Now I have to take down the curtain rod, REHANG it INSIDE the window and then HEM the curtains, because they're too long for the inside of the window. Have you ever seen a 7 1/2 month pregnant woman scale the back of a couch? It's not a pretty site. Then after lunch, my daughter informs me that she has changed her own poopy diaper. She did a fairly good job...except for the little piles she left all through the house...on the carpet. I couldn't exactly scold her for it...though i told her that MOMMY needs to change her poopy diaper next time.

It's only 2 o'clock in the afternoon. I have three hours before Ben gets home to relieve me. I'm beginning to think positive thinking sucks. I think I'll move to Australia. Oh wait. I can't. Ben doesn't get paid until Monday. *sigh*

Chunky Potato Soup

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Fri, 16 May 2008 01:18:00 +0000

I know...it's the middle of May, and it's generally not the time for hot soup. However the last few days here in Colorado Springs have been cold and rainy, so I thought this would be a good time to put a dent in the 10 lb bag of potatoes I have in the garage. And as soon as I find the stupid card reader, I'll be able to download the picture I took of my gorgeous meal! (I'm not proud or anything...)

Chunky Potato Soup

Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 30-45 minutes
Serves: 6-8

Ingredients:
12 medium potatoes, cubed (you can peel them if you want..I never do)
1 small yellow onion, diced
4-5 ribs celery, sliced
5 cups chicken broth
1 can evaporated milk
1 pkg real bacon bits
1/2 cup butter (1 stick)
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
3-4 cups milk
1 cup shredded Swiss Cheese (or 4 slices)
1/4 cup fresh minced parsley
salt & pepper to taste

1. In a large pot, stir together potatoes, onion, celery, chicken broth, bacon bits & evaporated milk.

2. In a separate dish, melt butter and then slowly stir in flour to make a thick paste. Stir paste into the liquid in the pot until completely dissolved.

3. Once the stock starts to boil and thicken, slowly add milk (or half & half, or heavy whipping cream for a richer taste) until it reaches the desired thickness. Cover and let simmer on low for 30-45 minutes. Add salt and pepper as needed.

4. About 10 minutes before you're ready to serve, add the Swiss cheese and parsley. Allow cheese to melt and stir in completely.

The way I served this tonight was in bread bowls with homemade croûtons. I hollowed out the loaves, tore up the bread I removed, drizzled it with olive oil and seasoned with salt and garlic powder. Then I put the tray under the broiler on low for about 5-8 minutes, or until they were golden brown (almost starting to burn). We topped both our soup and salad with the croûtons, and boy was it yummy!!! We had a TON left over since it was just Ben and me for supper tonight, so I just boxed up the rest and put it in the freezer for another rainy day!

I'm Okay, You're Okay

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 17:56:00 +0000

What better subject for my 100th post than...well, me! It IS my blog, you know ;-) But seriously, I wanted to share with you something that God shared with me that I have been asking Him about for a few months now--my bipolar disorder.

The Set-Up
I've struggled with bipolar in one form or another for the last two years. I believe it was all triggered by my pregnancy with Adriana in 2005. For the most part, I was just your typical over-emotional pregnant woman, crying at auto commercials and hallmark cards. There was quite a bit of stress in even trying to get pregnant with her, and then the last few months of my pregnancy was pretty stressful dealing with a fairly sever case of toxemia. A few days after she was born I wound up back in the hospital for two days with congestive heart failure due to fluid overload. I had 60 pounds of fluid in my body preventing my heart and lungs from working as they should, and they were about to just give up. I think once I was finally able to go home and try to adjust to a newborn is when I snapped. It started out as typical postpartum depression. Then in three months when it hadn't gone away, it started to change. Over night I went from Jekyll to Hyde. I was constantly angry and hateful, with Ben receiving the majority of my hellfire. The things I used to enjoy I no longer had any interest in, and at the worst times, I didn't really even care if my marriage lived or died. For two years I cycled between anger and hate and extreme depression. I just assumed this was a normal adjustment period (after all, this was what my mother and my sister were like with their kids), and I coped with it as best I knew how. Two years of limited contact with God (I couldn't pray hardly at all, and I certainly wasn't hearing from Him in any way), even more limited contact with my husband of 7 years. Two years of agreeing to live only because I couldn't stand the thought of anyone else loving the baby girl I prayed for so long to have. After talking to my sister about her bipolar for quite some time, I decided to make an appointment with my psychiatrist, whom I hadn't seen since he put me on antidepressants 7 years earlier. I gave him the run-down of the last two years and said I thought that I needed to be screened for bipolar. He agreed, and 10 minutes later I had a diagnosis (based on my history and the screen) and a course of treatment.

The Conundrum
Once I started on the medication, it only took about 4 days before I started feeling like my old self again and my topsy-turvy world began to right itself. That's also when the questions started. How did this happen? Why do I have to have this? And the question that has plagued me day and night? How can I be this way and be the Christian I claim to be? The Enemy began to whisper questions and accusations to me. How can you be the uber-Christian you think you are? You've hardly prayed at all in the last two years. And with all that anger and constant snide comments, who are you fooling? You haven't acted any differently than any other unbeliever. Besides...if you have the Holy Spirit like you say you do, shouldn't you be able to control your temper? Because you didn't do a very good job of it. While I finally felt normal again, I was ashamed of my diagnosis. There was still something wrong with me.

The Voice of Truth
I begged God to show me the truth. I needed to know what he thought of me. In His infinite wisdom, He let me struggle with it a little bit. He knew that I needed to trust in the truth even when I didn't know the whole story. His revelation to me on the subject started when my dearest friend Felicia told me, "You may be acting “off”, but you’re asking for prayers and help – your core is intact. He is with you, even when it feels like He’s not." That really started me thinking...and praying. Then yesterday during church, He finally gave me the complete answer. My moods are not me. They are not who I am, nor do they define my spirituality. My moods are not my spirit. They affect them, but they are not them. Because I live in a fallen world, my body began to process of entropy (decay) the day I was born. My body will continue to break down until it no longer exists. My bipolar is no different than, say, my autoimmune thyroid disease or my PCOS. It's no different than someone with heart disease or who is suffering the effects of a stroke. It's all the process of our bodies breaking down. Yes, I know that most of the time things like that happen because of things we do to our bodies. My point is that whatever the situation, our bodies break. Just as my thyroid is slowly destroying itself, my mind is fighting against the rest of my body. I can't will my moods not to swing out of control any more than I can will my ovaries to work or will myself out of a heart attack. This body of mine is breaking down, and my mind is just another facet that is going bad. So what do I do? I take medication to make my mind work correctly. And while I am functioning as I should, I build my spirit, my redeemed spirit, by the Word of God and the ministry of the Holy Spirit. That way when I'm not in my right mind, my Spirit will have something to fight the enemy with. And someday I will have a new body...one not destined to die because of sin. My God is bigger than my thyroid and my PCOS--I have one blessedly sweet girl sleeping soundly in the other room and one growing quietly, but actively in my womb to prove that. He's bigger than those, and He's definitely bigger than my bipolar. So am I.

There Goes Our Savings...

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 21:16:00 +0000

After being up almost all night last night with Adriana's cough, I woke up this morning to find that the Denver police had been at our front door last night at midnight and woke my poor parents up. It seems that the Colorado Springs police called them and asked them to see if Ben Kuiper lived at this address and if he had a green Jeep Cherokee parked in Colorado Springs. My Dad said yes to both, and the officer said, "okay, thanks for your time" and started to leave. My Dad called after him and asked if he needed a phone number to get a hold of Ben, and he said, "no, we'll find him." That was it. That's what they woke up my 73 year old father and 67 year old mother (who wasn't able to go back to sleep) for--to see if Ben lived here and if he had a car parked in the Springs. Didn't ask to SPEAK to Ben...just wanted to know those two things. I love law enforcement. I really do. But I have to admit--I've never been particularly impressed with the Denver police. This just kinda sealed the deal for me.

Anyway, it turns out that Ben's Jeep, that was parked at the Park-n-Ride a mile from his work, was broken into last night. And it's not like it's in a bad part of town--it's right around the corner from the condo we lived in. He usually moves it back and forth from the park-n-ride to the parking lot at work so he won't get in any trouble for having it there too long. Guess he should have moved it sooner. They didn't get anything. It's 16 years old, so it's not like it even LOOKS like it's worth anything! But they smashed in the driver's side window, which is $200 to fix. I know that because the same thing happened to me with my Ranger a few months before Adri was born. Anyway, the Jeep is so old and it's not in great running condition. If we junked it, we'd only get $400 or less for it. So just replacing the window would all but total the dumb thing.

So now we have to find a place to junk the Jeep, figure out how to get it there (because now the jeep won't even start), and then figure out how to get another car--preferably a van--without draining our savings. We can't afford another car payment. Thanks to my "friend" Jeff McKinney, owner of McKinney Motors, we're in the process of paying $8000 ($4k left) for a nice-on-the-outside-scary-mass-of-duct-taped-electrical-wiring-under-the-hood Jeep. He insisted the "check engine light" glowing on the dash was the transmission light, and he had it checked several times by a professional, and he had no idea why it wasn't going off. But like he said, "I'm like family to them," so he took care of me. Oh yes, and now the airbag light is on too. But it's next to the "transmission light". I can only assume the airbag light is on to keep it company.

As I heard Miss Patty say the other night on Gilmore Girls, [crossing self]"Oy to the vey..."

Not Your Average Apartment Search

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 15:24:00 +0000

Ben and I are planning our move. We've been carefully looking at apartments and locations, trying to figure out where to go now that we're back on track financially. We don't want to move all the way down to Colorado Springs just yet, because we have no guarantee that Ben will be hired on permanently at the end of his contract. We're PRETTY sure, but we can't justify that large of a move on "pretty sure." Parker would be nice, but it's just as far from there to the highway as it is from my parent's house to the highway, and our biggest goal is to get closer to the highway so Ben's commute is easier/shorter.

Well, we THINK we've found the best place--Castle Rock, Colorado. It's a small town located 20 miles south of Denver and 30 miles north of Colorado Springs. It's got all the necessary places that make my life workable--Walmart, Target, a substantial outlet mall.... It's close to my family who needs me right now, and close to Ben's family in the Springs who doesn't necessarily NEED us, but likes to see us once in a while. And not only is it RIGHT on the highway, we're only 5 minutes from the FREX (front range express) station that will take Ben to and from Colorado Springs every day for $150 a month.

Enter "The Pines at Castle Rock", an apartment complex that we've been looking at for several months now. We were pretty impressed when we got there and drove around the complex. And after talking with the leasing agent, he told us about a free shuttle the city has, so on the days where I can't get him to the station, he can walk down to the leasing office, pick up the shuttle and it will take him to the FREX station! So we're sitting at the agent's desk waiting for his co-worker to come back so we could go look at the apartments when a Hispanic gentleman came in and started talking to him. He was speaking Spanish, so I just kinda ignored the whole situation. Next thing I know, Peter (the agent) gets on the phone and in English says, "um, yes. One of our residents just came in and told me that there are two dead bodies in his garage. He said one is his son--he's been missing for a week, and the other one he thinks is his son's friend"

*insert loud record scratch here*

I have no doubt that this is an isolated incident, but talk about a shock! So for the next half hour, Ben and I try to keep Adriana occupied and out of trouble while poor Peter the leasing agent acts as a complex representative at the crime scene. It was all taped off with crime scene tape and everything. I felt really bad for him. He kept apologizing to us. When he finally got back, his co-worker had finished up with who she was with and was getting ready to take us out to see the two apartments. We said our goodbyes and good wishes to Peter and his wife (who is due two days after I am) and went on our tour.

Ben thinks the apartments are too small, but I reminded him that it's pointless to compare ANYTHING we look at to our last place. Our last place was heaven on earth...well, kind of anyway. We had 1400 sqft of condo for $625 a month. Normally that would go for over $1000/month, but interior design-wise, it was a pretty big eye-sore. Emerald green carpet in half the house and tan in the bedrooms with bamboo wallpaper in the dining room and early 80's decor in the other rooms. Oh yes, and a large floor tile missing in the kitchen. But is was 3 bedrooms and OH so spacious!!! I actually cried when I closed the door behind me on the day we moved out.

Soooo....we have one other complex in town that's in our price range. Hopefully that one will be a little less eventful. I posted below the article I found in the Denver Post this morning. It's pretty vague. I think I know more than the paper did! The guys trying to get into the garage were Dad of the one kid and two other family members, I think. Peter said it looked like the boys had possibly OD'd on meth, passed out in the bed of the truck with the garage door closed and the truck running with a full tank of gas. Very sad....

2 bodies found in Castle Rock

By The Denver Post
Article Last Updated: 02/16/2008 06:03:50 PM MST

Castle Rock police are investigating the deaths of two men whose bodies were found this afternoon in a pickup truck parked in an apartment complex garage.

Police would not comment on the grisly discovery, which a witness said was at about 2 p.m. at Pines at Castle Rock apartments, which is just north of the Outlets at Castle Rock. The Douglas County coroner's office said the victims were male but refused to release any additional information.

The witness said he watched police pull both bodies from the late-model truck. The witness said earlier he saw three men trying to jimmy their way into the locked garage, which is off Castlegate Drive North and U.S. 85.

First Glimpse

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 18:50:00 +0000

I went in yesterday for my monthly OB appointment. I thought he would do an ultrasound to confirm my dates, but he only the doppler to hear the heart beat. It seemed like FOREVER before he actually said something positive. Before that, all he could hear was a large uterine artery. He finally found our little peanut hiding behind my pelvic bone. I'm not exaggerating when I say he had to have been poking around for a good ten minutes. He finally said, "well, I'm convinced that I heard it and it sounds good, but I want YOU to be convinced too." I appreciated it, but by that point I really had to pee, and he was making me sick, so I said I trusted him and that we could move on.

My biggest concern that I wanted to address with him was my desperation to go back on my bipolar meds. I think if I weren't living with my mother I wouldn't be having as much of a problem. But I _AM_ living with my mother, and we won't be able to move out until the first of May, so for now, I'm stuck with an untreated narcissistic, bipolar mother. Anyway, my point is that in initial studies (which aren't many because it's new), it looks like the med that I'm on (lamictal) may increase the chances of oral cleft problems (cleft lip or cleft pallet) in babies exposed during the first trimester. The studies published say an 8-10% chance, which isn't much, but when you're talking about 1--costly reconstructive surgery and 2--the impact it would have on the child even after surgery. It would NEVER change my love for my child, but others can be cruel. And if low risk is within my control, I'll do whatever I can to protect my baby. All that being said, I did a little research to see when exactly the pallet was formed. What I found said between 4 and 7 weeks gestation. I though that MAYBE if I could make it past those dates, I might be able to go back on a low dose and regain a little sanity. Well, my docs books said 6-12 weeks (which doesn't help me any), but he also made a comment during the search for the heart beat that he thought I wasn't quite as far along as we had thought. He thought maybe 8 1/2 weeks instead of just beginning my 10th week. Well, when you're talking about dealing with unmedicated bipolar disorder, that's a HUGE difference. So I asked him if I could possibly have an ultrasound before my next appointment just to make sure of the dates. I'd like to get back on my meds the moment that risk goes down. I ended up having to go to another practice who does backup for him, but I was able to get in this morning at 10am. Of course not before Satan had me completely convinced that something was terribly wrong. I was a basket case by the time I got there. Anyway, long story short, everything is fine. Peanut's growth is right on target for my LMP, so I am exactly 9 weeks and 3 days as of today, and the heart beat looks and sounds good!

So, without further ado, here's Peanut.

My Newest Addiction

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 14:56:00 +0000

I just thought I'd introduce you all to my newest addiction: digital scrapbooking.
This has become my absolute favorite past-time, because 1. It combines my computer skills and my creativity. 2. It's CHEAP! Lots of stuff you can get for free, but even when you BUY stuff, it's inexpensive PLUS you can use it again and again! 3. Most importantly, THERE'S NO MESS!!!! Except maybe your desktop...mine's pretty full at the moment.

I'll show you first the Christmas cards that I made. I like these best, because I can never find a photo card that I like when I go to Snapfish or any of those other places. The third one down is the one I made for my parents' Christmas cards and the last one is the one you'll be getting from us as soon as Ben's paycheck clears the bank and we have money for stamps!

I've also made a lot of other things like pocket calendar covers (you know, for those little calendars with the plastic covers), desktop and wall calendars and this bookmark.

My next display is my actual scrapbook pages. They're my first, so I still have a lot to learn, but I'm pretty proud of them.

Ben's graduation from CTU

This is a page about our house church in Colorado Springs. I'm particularly proud of this one, because I "hand" made the "H" on "house church." I thought that was pretty ingenious of me. *grin*

Another one of my favorites.

Rosie's Page. I cut her out of one of the pictures and used it as part of the background.

This was a layout of pictures I took during our time at the B&B in Buena Vista for Thanksgiving. We got all the cousins in the tub and I started snapping. I printed this one out on photo paper and framed it in an 8x8 frame from the dollar store and gave it to my in-laws. they loved it!

I have a few more pages, but Ben and Adri are BEGGING me to go to bed. Tomorrow we start pictures of baking day with Gummy (my Mom) and Em (Emily) and Izzy (Lizzy).

Perspectve

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 18:24:00 +0000

I'm sure all of you have heard about the shootings here in Colorado both at the YWAM campus and at New Life Church in Colorado Springs. We had just gotten home from church when my Dad hollered down the stairs to tell me that New Life was just on a special news bulletin. My mind immediately flew back to April 20, 1999. I was driving home from my job at Focus on the Family when they broke through on the radio with news of the shootings at Columbine High School. My heart broke. I didn't go to school there, but Littleton was my home, and my community was hurting, and I was so very far away. Everything was over by the time I heard, but I prayed that everyone I knew there was safe. It wasn't until two days later that I learned that someone I knew had been killed. Steven Curnow—one of the kids I had in daycare during the summer.

I felt the same way this past Sunday. Colorado Springs is my home, and my community—my friends, my relatives, my brothers and sisters in Christ are hurting, and once again I am so very far away. We was relieved to know that the one person we was most concerned about, Ben's Aunt Mary, had left the parking lot a mere 10 minutes before everything started.

Below is from an email my friend Sarah sent me. It's from a friend of hers who was at New Life on Sunday. I hope her account changes your perspective as it did mine.

I wanted to share with you what God has done in my heart and mind because of being so close to loosing my life this Sunday.

I was fortunate to have come alone this Sunday to church. My girls stayed home to rest from the Wonderland performance. My husband slept in for some much needed extra sleep. I almost stayed home but felt the Holy Spirit get me up even before my alarm was to go off. I parked my vehicle at the very corner of the building
where the shooter had entered. After service I made a call on the courtesy phone to my husband since I left my cell at home. My kids and I were going sledding that afternoon and I wanted to find out if they needed anything from Walmart before I came home. After the call I spotted a friend I hadn't seen for a while, Laura Caine. She and I have been friends for 11 years and here daughter is going with us to Florida on our vacation this Christmas to help with the kids.

We talked in the hall for several minutes and finally walked to the corner of the tag chapel hall and the main hall. We heard three shots and I had thought it may have been something that had fallen on the new tile floor flat that had made such a loud clap. Laura immediately knew the sound and she along with hospitality pushed me and two others into the chapel. When I heard screams and men shouting to get out of the building I knew it was a gunman.

All of us ran out of the back door of the tag chapel and out the hall door to the out side. I ran behind a car and most of everyone left in their cars...mine was too close to the door where the man was.

A friend was getting in his suv in panic and disoriention. He couldn't think. I asked him for a ride to my car, he was focused on his wife and kids who were still in the building. Laura and I scrambled into his car and Laura loaned him her cell to try to get a call to his wife. She was the last person I saw come out of the campus....with the two kids under each arm. He shouted for us to get out and they drove out of site. Laura and I hid as well as possible as shots rang out. Laura was wearing a red jacket and Pete yelled to her from a row over to take it off. I called my husband on Laura's cell. He thought I was joking. The panic in my voice told him I was not joking.

Ross Parsely was further back away from the church and ran over to us to make sure we were ok. The concern on his face was unmistakable. Ten minutes into the event, the swat team began to arrive. They told everyone to get into our cars and leave, I told him my car was directly in front of the door where the gunman was so he told everyone who coulldn't leave to go to the World Prayer Center. High heels and ice, I didn't care I ran! Laura close behind me. Everyone was directed to the basement to a little room that looked like a secluded teleconference room. Teens, elderly, Children everyone left in the building that could get out were stuffed in this little room. Fear was overwhelming for me and the others. I was so glad Laura was there. Then I saw a little boy come down the steps and into the room in tears and fear all over his face. I didn't know what he had been through but I knew it was intense for his little heart and mind. As a mother, I forgot myself and
focused on him. I grabbed him and held him while he cried. After a few minutes, he slowed his tears and we got more acquainted. He had seen the whole thing unravel. He was one of two surviving witnesses.

No one knew anything, A couple of guys had laptops and tried to get information of the internet but everything was so vague. No one knew the truth and most of it was media bunk. Everyone shared cells and called family to find out who got shot and who was ok. We finally started praying and singing praise to God and a couple of girls were warring in the Spirit. An hour or two passed and we were finally able to go upstairs to the WPC living room(chapel). Mel Waters boys were still hiding under his desk in the upstairs offices. He was concerned but his confidence of God's protection over his boys was encouraging. I admire his faith.

It took alot of patience and trust during that time. I realized that had I not stopped to chat with Laura or even not as long, I would have walked down that main hall to where the activity center was and exited out the last hall door. I would not be here today.

I have been working so hard to help my husband raise money for Christmas and putting so many hours into work that I haven't taken time to enjoy the season. The stress of marriage, finances and kids and an upcoming vacation has really taken the peace out of our home.

Four hours later, I went home feeling numb, but with one raw realization. It doesn't matter what you do for Christmas, how much money you have, your family is the most important thing you have and you cannot take that for granted. You or one of your family members could be snatched away forever. Every moment is precious. Suddenly, my business wasn't so important. Money is least important. I could care less if there is enough money for our trip.....Enjoying the season and the gift of life given is the most important thing for us to focus on. We are gifts to each other, if we don't appreciate the gifts we have, one day it won't be there anymore. "Things" don't matter. Being with my family matters.

Because of this tragedy, I am talking with family members that I have not spoken to for years. There is no "I" in Christmas. Time is short and we must love much with the little time that is left.

Don't forget to make cookies with your kids this Christmas....

Shalom~
Susan Adams

Tell your friends and family what they mean to you and worship the Lord as you never have before. Don't let the enemy win in your heart when LORD Sabaoth has already utterly defeated him.

Wow...Has it REALLY Been Eight Years?!?!

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 01:06:00 +0000

It's hard to believe that we've been married 8 years! We've been through quite a bit in those years. Four apartments, five jobs, three contracts, and several work-studies (between the two of us), a four year degree completed in three, four deaths, two surgeries, infertility, times of spiritual growth as well as some pretty heavy warfare,a pregnancy, birth and subsequent sleepless nights thereafter, three lay-offs, six months of postpartum depression and another 18 months with untreated symptoms of bi-polar disorder, swallowing our pride and moving in with family, a bankruptcy and a miscarriage.

We've been through a lot together, and (now that I'm on meds and can THINK clearly) I can honestly say that I love Ben even more today than I did the day we got married. As much as I hate to admit it, I've given him a lot of crap over the years—especially in the last two. And rather than leave me because it was too hard, or check out on me mentally or emotionally, he stayed just as steady as ever. I can never thank him enough for that.

Ben, I'm so sorry we have to live through all this crap right now. But you are an amazing man for the way you handle it. You always help me take the high road when all I want to do it wrestle in the mud with the pigs. Thank you for going on this great adventure with me. I just wouldn't be the same with anyone else. I love you!

This Makes the Week MUCH Better....

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 00:13:00 +0000

We're in Buena Vista, Colorado. It's about two hours past the end of civilization. It's a LOOOOOOONG drawn-out ugly story, but because of some past issues that still periodically rear their ugly heads, I was dreading being up here. Right up until I started up my Macbook and saw this beautiful message:

None of your trusted wireless networks can be found. Would you like to join ACTIONTEC wireless network?"

YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! I HAVE INTERNET ACCESS!!!!!! So now I can post pictures of the beautiful B&B on the river that we're staying at for almost a week for FREE as well as blog my frustrations out (while I eat S'more poptarts that I have hidden from the rest of the family in our suite. And I can finish my new "Best of Engrish.com" post!!!!

Maybe I can enjoy the holiday after all.

Bipolar: Not Your Average Bear

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 15:05:00 +0000

Today our lesson is about bipolar. Can you say bipolar? That's nice. I like the way you say that.... What's that? No, bipolar doesn't live at the North Pole with Santa. Bipolar lives in your brain AND MAKES YOU AND THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU CRAZY AS LOONS!!!!!!!!!! Or at least it feels that way.

I went to my shrink yesterday...why do they call them "shrink"? They don't really do that. Anyway I've been having problems with severe mood swings since after Adriana was born. For a while, I just attributed them to postpartum and then to just stress. Well, it's almost two years later, and they've actually gotten worse. I finally decided that I couldn't live with it anymore and went to see my psychiatrist to see if my anti-depressants needed to be adjusted. I also mentioned to him that my sister suggested that I talk to him about being screened for bipolar disorder. It made perfect sense. A month of extreme highs and lots of energy followed by weeks on end of depression coupled with extreme desire to obliterate everyone in my vision—plus the fact that I have a sister, a brother and a niece who are all bipolar. It commonly runs in families. So after an hour an a half (well, almost 2, because there was a fire alarm...hmm...a fire alarm pull at a mental hospital. I wonder who did that?!?!?!), and $250 (because we had to do this without insurance), he told me he thinks I'm definitely bipolar and started me on a treatment plan. I'm excited (and not just because I'm in my manic phase). I can finally stop being angry all the time!!

The bad news...we're all convinced that my Mom is bipolar too, but she refuses to get any help. That's just who she is, always has been and people just need to deal with it. Living with her while I'm trying to get better is a daily struggle. I don't want to pass those patterns on to Adriana or any other children we might have. She's not abusive, but the mood swings still have an effect on everyone involved. Fast forward to this morning: she woke up in a LOVELY mood. She's still ticked at me for our plans changing yesterday and she had to watch Adri for longer than expected and consequently didn't get the bathroom cleaned like she wanted to. Then she got mad at my Dad because he didn't get rid of all the halloween candy last night. And then he was sitting in her chair...and while I didn't snap, I made a quick decision that the measly $500 or $600 dollars I'd be making a month is not worth putting the entire household through that kind of stress. Don't get me wrong...the money would help--A LOT!!! But Adri is a very smart, very emotionally aware child. And I KNOW she picks up on the mood swings. And I really don't want her to get the idea that she's in the way or that she's done something wrong by just being in existence. I DID grow up with that, and that's why I am the way I am today...in need of constant psychotherapy. My daughter isn't the end-all be-all, but she deserves better.

Tune in next time when I'll let the voices in my head write the blog entry! ;-)

First Day on the Job

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 22:49:00 +0000

Well, kind of anyway. It was actually only a four hour training session, but it was really fun. I dialed into their system, and spent an hour talking AGAIN about the fact that my environment must be absolutely quiet, no noise, and that we MUST have a corded phone AND headset....blah, blah.... Then she turned us loose for almost 3 hours to do self-paced study, learning about the company, how they work, who they work for and how to get around the web center. I finished an hour early with a 100% on my quiz, so I just went upstairs and got something to eat. You know, there's really something to be said for being able to work at home. I'm still a little apprehensive about whether or not I'll be successful working for J.Crew—they're not really my style, so I'm not sure how well I'll be able to sell and up-sell. But I'll give it a try. It's only a seasonal position, so in January I'll be able to apply for another program.

In other news....

The last few weeks have been a crazy ride. One of my favorite aunts passed away on the 6th of this month. That was pretty hard. She had lung cancer, and it metastasized to her brain for the second time. They couldn't do any more radiation, or it would destroy her brain, so she opted for brain surgery. That was four weeks ago. I saw her before she went in for the surgery, but because we were all sick and I didn't want to make HER sick, we didn't see her in ICU. Then they moved her to a hospice, but we don't really know why, because her doctor said that he would find a way to keep her in the hospital until she was ready to come home. He never said anything to the family after she died. She was only in the hospice less than 24 hours before she started having heart problems. She had a very sad life, though, so I'm glad she's home with Jesus. I just wish I could have seen her before she left. Then came the issues with my uncle. Sometimes I wish my mouth wasn't redeemed so I could tell you what I really think of him. Plus I don't want anyone to see that I'm not as pristine on the inside as I am on the outside. I did, however, learn how to sign it, so sometimes I can say it and no one will know ;-) Anyway, long story short, this uncle is a real winner, and decided to use some family heirlooms to try to extort money from my Mom and her remaining two sisters. And if that wasn't enough, there's an issue with my sister—we think he did something to several of us when we were little, my sister having the worst of it. But no one remembers anything, so we can't prove it. But he's still creepy. Anyway, my sister went into a full-fledged panic attack over it (and rightfully so). We ended up getting her a valium and a muscle relaxer and hiding her in the nursery with Adriana the whole time. We just kept telling my uncle that she had to run an errand. Then we had to get her out of the church basement and to the car without her being seen. We waited until they went out for a smoke break, I grabbed her out of the nursery and rushed her up the stairs and into Pastor's office. That allowed Ben time to get Adri and her things together and then I put him in the office with her just in case. We managed to get her home safe and sound, though. After all that, I felt like I could probably run security for the President!!!!! One of the things that really touched me was the small bouquet that my aunt from California sent. It had three pink roses, arranged from tallest to shortest, representing the three sisters that are left, and one white rose tucked in the back to represent my aunt that died. The card read, "Sisters Forever." I burst into tears when I read that.

My mom, her younger sister, my cousin, and the bouquet. I could only get two of them to smile at the same time.

My mom and her sister in California haven't spoken to one another for almost 30 years!!!! But when my uncle, their older brother (who was also involved in this whole little not speaking thing) passed away last December, he told them it was time to give it up and get over it. And they did. My mom and her sister have spent more time on the phone in the last month than I think they have in their lives!! There have been a lot of death in that family lately--there are only three sisters left out of seven children. But there's been a lot of healing too. So between that, Ben's anything but encouraging job search and our bankruptcy hearing on the 17th, it's been a pretty rough month. The confusing thing is that everything we've been hearing from the Lord has been that He will bring us back from desolation and restore our fortunes and our joy—"praise and honor in every land where [we] were put to shame." "They will rejoice in the bounty of the Lord....I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow." I know that just because He says it now doesn't mean it's going to happen NOW. But this has been such a rough road...it's hard to believe that He'll do what He says.

This is what the LORD says:
"Restrain your voice from weeping
and your eyes from tears,
for your work will be rewarded,"
declares the LORD.
"They will return from the land of the enemy.

17 So there is hope for your future,"
declares the LORD.
"Your children will return to their own land.

...hmmm...I wonder if that means He'll be moving us back to Colorado Springs ;-) (tee hee)

I Just REALLY Can't Do This Anymore

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 02:10:00 +0000

Ben called me yesterday (Wednesday) morning at around 10:30 and said he was on his way home. That can only mean one thing....he lost his job. He wasn't fired, but it wasn't a lay-off either. They just decided they didn't need him anymore and let him go. When he asked his boss what he did wrong, he wouldn't say anything other than, "you didn't do anything wrong." Well, we found out by chance that when Ben went in to pick up his paycheck, his boss was in an interview. When Ben was offered this job, they gave him a low-ball offer--about $10k LESS than someone with his skills should be making. He said his salary requirement was the minimum that he needed to support his family and couldn't take anything less. They reluctantly went ahead and offered him what he asked for. We're pretty sure now that they just hired Ben because they needed someone and got rid of him when they found someone who would accept less.
So....please pray that he will be able to find something at the right price and at the right time. We have insurance through the end of the month, but after that, we're on our own. COBRA is MUCH too expensive for our current financial situation. Please also pray that we would see God in this situation. I won't go into the gory details, but in the last year, we've been rubbed pretty raw. A lot like Job was. Just about the time we think we've hit bottom, the floor gets moved and we go down just a little further.

We do know that God knows what He's doing and I'm TRYING to trust that. Today wasn't one of those days where I was successful. I've yelled and cried and stomped my feet at God telling him that this isn't fair. We've asked Him to bless us and what seem to be curses rain down on our heads. I told Ben a while back when he was having trouble believing in God's goodness, that God is either good, or He is a liar. I know He's not a liar. He is Who He says He is. I just can't see any of it right now.

Okay, this is evolving into an epistle, so I'll stop now. But we definitely would appreciate your prayers if you think about us.

Praise You in This Storm
words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

House Church Picnic

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 22:06:00 +0000

After a little summer break, we met our house church today at Belleview Park for a picnic. It was a lot of fun for me, because I grew up going to that park with my cousin. Adri had a great time going to the petting zoo and taking a ride on the train.

Adriana "playing football" with Nathan, the youngest son of our house church leaders.

Eating lunch.

Nathan and Caleb showing off their latest catch from the creek.
Adri petting a miniature cow.

Adri petting a sheep. She LOVED the sheep. she went around to pet them all TWICE!

Adri & Mommy sitting on the train.

Adri and I standing in front of the train. I have foggy, but fond memories of this train. My cousin and I used to ride this train all the time in our summers growing up. My Mom's cousin's father-in-law used to drive the train, so whenever we came to the park, Carolyn and I were not only allowed to ride the train, but every once in a while we were allowed to ride up front with the engineer. As much as I miss living in Colorado Springs, I'm really enjoying the opportunity to do things with my daughter that I got to do when I was a little girl.

I Suppose I Should Post Something....

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 01:38:00 +0000

I haven't posted anything in quite a while. I've just been so busy trying to keep up with everything, I haven't had time to write. So here's the short version of the last few weeks. I made a slide show with slide.com. I like making slide shows. ;-)

Oh yes, and this one. We've been trying to get Adriana used to not having her pacifier. I think it's backfiring on us.

Not REALLY My Idea of a Date

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 16:06:00 +0000

I was happily getting ready to fix fajitas for supper last night. I went out to the patio room where the chest freezer is to get the steak and some cheese so I could get started. I took all the stuff off the top of the freezer, opened the lid and got out the food and shut the lid. Well, I must have disturbed something when I got the cheese out, because the lid wouldn't shut all the way. Well, I had already put everything back up before I noticed it, so instead of taking it all off again, I just lifted the lid and slipped my hand in there to move the cheese over to the middle. Well, unbeknownst to me, there was a broken light bulb in the lid (that's normally covered, but the cover broke a while back). Actually, I DID know about it. My niece Emily had told me about it a while back. I THOUGHT I had told my Dad, and I THOUGHT he had taken care of it. Well, evidently I didn't tell him, so he had no idea it was broken. Well, the light bulb is gone now, but not before I sliced my hand open on it. And I mean SLICED. The ER nurse said it was so clean, it looked like a scalpul did it. It was deep enough that it took a few seconds for it to start bleeding, but when it did, it was DARK red. I was freaking out, but rather calm through the whole thing. My sister Bridget had just left, so I called her first to see if she could turn around and come take me to the hospital and leave the girls here to help my Mom with Adri. Then I called Ben to tell him to step on it and get home asap! Luckily he's still new enough at his job that he can leave for home at 5pm and not leave anything undone. As things turned out, Ben got home just as Bridget and I were headed out to the car, so he ended up going with me to the hospital.
It was actually kinda fun. My adrenelin was really high still, so I was in a really silly mood. We sat in the waiting room, Ben holding up my arm, and watching their tank full of tropical fish. They had two clown fish—an adult and a baby, so we had no choice but to name them Marlin and Nemo. Then there was another little red fish that seemed to scoot everywhere, so Ben named him Scooter. He was funny. He seemed to only want to use his tail fin instead of his side fins, so he kinda swam like he had an outboard motor on his butt. And he would pluk himself down in the little crevices in the rock and just sit there. He'd start at the top and then "hop" down stairstep-like. He was really funny. Then there was a really pretty magenta and florescent yellow one. He didn't do anything; he was just pretty. It was then that I realized *gasp* I was having fun with my husband!!!! It's not that he's not fun...I have just been under so much stress lately that I haven't been able to let go enough to have fun. It was an amazing blessing.

Back to the gorey details. They took me back and shot my hand up with numbing medication. I'm not usually one to flinch at needles, but that sucker HURT!!!! Then Ben told me I squeezed like a wimp, so I hit him. Then an EMT came by and scrubbed out the wound&mdashand I mean S_C_R_U_B_B_E_D!!! You know, like you would scrub a pan with baked on grease. I kept looking at it thinking, "I am SO glad that thing is numb." Someone came by and took xrays to make sure I didn't have any glass left in there, and then they came over to stitch me up (they gave me six, but probably should have been 8 or 10, Bridget said). That was actually kinda cool to watch. After that, they bandaged me up and sent me home with all sorts of cool toys and a bottle of percoset. I had the best night's sleep last night!!!!

So now I'm home trying not to slam my hand into anything. I never realized just how much I use my left hand!!! But most of all, I'm taking comfort in knowing that I won't always be constantly frustrated with everything and eventually will be able to have fun with my husband again. Soon....

Such Wisdom

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 02:05:00 +0000

My comments are below this post.

Putting My Daughter to Bed Two Hours After the Bridge Collapsed
August 1, 2007 | By: John Piper
Category: Written Posts by John Piper, Current Events, Don't Waste Your Life

At about 6 PM tonight the bridge of Interstate 35W over the Mississippi River in Minneapolis collapsed. I am writing this about three hours after the bridge fell. The bridge is located within sight of Bethlehem Baptist Church. Most of us who minister at the church cross this bridge several times a week. At this point I don’t know if any staff was on the bridge. Desiring God offices are about a mile from the bridge.

There are no firm facts at this point about the total number of injuries and fatalities. When we crossed the bridge Tuesday on our way out of town, there was extensive repair work happening on the surface of the bridge with single lane traffic. One speculates about the unusual stresses on the bridge with jackhammers and other surface replacement equipment. This was the fortieth anniversary of the bridge.

Tonight for our family devotions our appointed reading was Luke 13:1-9. It was not my choice. This is surely no coincidence. O that all of the Twin Cities, in shock at this major calamity, would hear what Jesus has to say about it from Luke 13:1-5. People came to Jesus with heart-wrenching news about the slaughter of worshipers by Pilate. Here is what he said.

There were some present at that very time who told him about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mingled with their sacrifices. And he answered them, "Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans, because they suffered in this way? No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish. Or those eighteen on whom the tower in Siloam fell and killed them: do you think that they were worse offenders than all the others who lived in Jerusalem? No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish."

Jesus implies that those who brought him this news thought he would say that those who died, deserved to die, and that those who didn’t die did not deserve to die. That is not what he said. He said, everyone deserves to die. And if you and I don’t repent, we too will perish. This is a stunning response. It only makes sense from a view of reality that is radically oriented on God.

All of us have sinned against God, not just against man. This is an outrage ten thousand times worse than the collapse of the 35W bridge. That any human is breathing at this minute on this planet is sheer mercy from God. God makes the sun rise and the rain fall on those who do not treasure him above all else. He causes the heart to beat and the lungs to work for millions of people who deserve his wrath. This is a view of reality that desperately needs to be taught in our churches, so that we are prepared for the calamities of the world.

The meaning of the collapse of this bridge is that John Piper is a sinner and should repent or forfeit his life forever. That means I should turn from the silly preoccupations of my life and focus my mind’s attention and my heart’s affection on God and embrace Jesus Christ as my only hope for the forgiveness of my sins and for the hope of eternal life. That is God’s message in the collapse of this bridge. That is his most merciful message: there is still time to turn from sin and unbelief and destruction for those of us who live. If we could see the eternal calamity from which he is offering escape we would hear this as the most precious message in the world.

We prayed during our family devotions. Talitha (11 years old) and Noel and I prayed earnestly for the families affected by the calamity and for the others in our city. Talitha prayed “Please don’t let anyone blame God for this but give thanks that they were saved.” When I sat on her bed and tucked her in and blessed her and sang over her a few minutes ago, I said, “You know, Talitha, that was a good prayer, because when people ‘blame’ God for something, they are angry with him, and they are saying that he has done something wrong. That’s what “blame” means: accuse somebody of wrongdoing. But you and I know that God did not do anything wrong. God always does what is wise. And you and I know that God could have held up that bridge with one hand.” Talitha said, “With his pinky.” “Yes,” I said, “with his pinky. Which means that God had a purpose for not holding up that bridge, knowing all that would happen, and he is infinitely wise in all that he wills.”

Talitha said, “Maybe he let it fall because he wanted all the people of Minneapolis to fear him.” “Yes, Talitha,” I said, “I am sure that is one of the reasons God let the bridge fall.”

I sang to her the song I always sing,

Come rest your head and nestle gently
And do not fear the dark of night.
Almighty God keeps watch intently,
And guards your life with all his might.
Doubt not his love, nor power to keep,
He never fails, nor does he sleep.

I said, “You know, Talitha, that is true whether you die in a bridge collapse, or in a car accident, or from cancer, or terrorism, or old age. God always keeps you, even when you die. So you don’t need to be afraid, do you.” “No,” she shook her head. I leaned down and kissed her. “Good night. I love you.”

Tonight across the Twin Cities families are wondering if they will ever kiss a loved one good night again. Some will not. I am praying that they will find Jesus Christ to be their Rock and Refuge in these agonizing hours of uncertainty and even loss.

The word “bridge” does not occur in the Bible. There may be two reasons. One is that God doesn’t build bridges, he divides seas. The other is that usually his people must pass through the deadly currents of suffering and death, not simply ride over them. “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you” (Isaiah 43:2). They may drown you. But I will be with you in life and death.

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, "For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life . . . will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:35-38)

Killed all day long. But not separated from Christ. We go through the river. Not over it. He went before us, crucified. He came out on the other side. He knows the way through. With him we will make it. That is the message we have for the precious sinners in the Twin Cities. He died for your sins. He rose again. He saves all who trust him. We die, but because of him, we do not die.

Jesus said, "I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die.” (John 11:25)

Talitha is sleeping now. But one day she will die. I teach her this. I will not always be there to bless her. But Jesus is alive and is the same yesterday today and forever. He will be with her because she trusts him. And she will make it through the river.

I shall not die, but live, and declare the glory of the Lord. (Psalm 118:17) That was a verse I used quite often in college when I was convinced that I wasn't going to make it through the semester (which was quite often). A Philosophy and History of Education test (that I hadn't studdied for) was SO miniscule compared to what I'm going through now. Silly me [rolling eyes]. I may not have enjoyed that trial, but God brought me through it. I don't particularly like this one either (and I must say it's "suck-age" rating is FAR greater than the P&H test), but He will walk me through it. Not around it...not over it. Through it. And in each cotton-pickin' communistic step of the way, He will be right beside me. Telling me not to call it that. ;-)

Psalm 71:20 You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again.

That Was a Mean Trick, Poppie!

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 01:08:00 +0000

My Dad has false teeth. He thought it would be entertaining to show that to Adriana durring dinner tonight. So now she walks around the house doing the sign for "please" and then pulling on her two front teeth. She wants us to please help her take her teeth out. My Dad has a sick sense of humor.

Also, I ran across this website tonight—www.simpsonizeme.com. Pretty meaningless in the grand scheme of things, but it gave me a smile for a half hour. So now I present to you, my readers, the Kuiper-Simpson Family: Ben, Brandi, Adri and Rosie.

I photoshopped everyone together. And you'll never be able to see it, but I wrote "No, I will NOT fix your computer." on Ben's shirt. I know. I need serious help....

Pics from the Hospital

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 14:35:00 +0000

Here are a few pics I took at the hospital on Friday with Adriana. My cell doesn't take the greatest pictures, but it gave me something to do.

My hunk-a hunk-a husband

My incredibly cute new shoes—a birthday gift from my in-laws.

Adri in a tangle of leads. For the first hour or so she looked like a marionette.

Adri kickin' back with some Veggie Tales and oxygen while waiting for the respiratory therapist to come in with her treatment.

Once the steroids kicked in, it was hard to keep her down.

Obviously feeling like her old self.

Anyone Got a Rock?

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 02:28:00 +0000

...Or something that I can use to BEAT some sense into my parents?!?!?!?!?

Ben and I have really been struggling lately because we NEVER get any time alone together. I mean EVER. So we decided to look into having my niece Emily watch Adri for a few hours on a Saturday while we go do something together. We came home and I asked Mom and Dad if they would be okay with Emily watching Adri over here, and Dad blew a fuse. "I've had it. I'm hiring someone to finish that basement. I'm tired of all the bickering and no one wanting to do any work downstairs. I finished the sanding downstairs and I'LL prime it and then get someone to finish the rest." Wat the heck??????? Last thing I was told was don't worry about doing anything down there yet because no one will be here this weekend. We'll work on it next weekend. Then he comes in and says, "Do you know when I get time to MY self??? One o'clock in the morning, that's when!" While trying to keep my cool, I said, "with all due respect, Dad, you are responsible for you. We are doing what WE are responsible for, and this is something very necessary right now." He just walked away mumbling. So I genuinely asked my Mom if I was asking for too much—two or three hours every other week so Ben and I can have time together. She flipped her lid and said, "Since when is that Dad's and my problem? And how do you think you're going to afford to pay a babysitter? If you are only this far into paying off your debt and are already having problems like this I don't know how you're going to make it to the end" Again I scream, what the heck???????????? She said, "I'm with Dad. I said from the beginning that I didn't want you guys living here. We went through the same bulls*** with Michael and Bridget. What made me change my mind is that you said, 'Do you ever want to see your grandchild again?' and it nearly killed me." BULL!!!!!!!!!! SHE IS MY CHILD, NOT A BARGAINING CHIP!!! She may have done that I WOULD NEVER SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I NEVER asked for that basement to be finished. All I asked for is if we could clean out the basement so Ben and I could sleep down there instead and let them have their space back. Finishing it was Dad's idea. And they both thought us moving down there was a good idea.

Really, are we asking for too much? I'm about ready to find an apartment, file bankruptcy and call it good. I can't handle much more of this.

The Best-Laid Plans of Mice and Men Often Go Awry

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 02:27:00 +0000

Well, last night's dinner was SUPPOSED to have been Balsamic Chicken. We didn't even get to prep it!! Gosh...where do I start? Starting about Tuesday of this week, Adri started getting a runny nose. I didn't think much of it, because it was clear and she wasn't coughing. Wednesday she started coughing a little bit, but I still didn't see anything to worry about. Thursday things started turning. That afternoon she had been running around the living room after Rosie and when she came to sit on my lap to have a snack, I noticed that she was beginning to wheeze a little bit. So I made plans to go pick up a nebulizer that evening from my sister and get her started on breathing treatments so that it wouldn't get any worse than it already was. I started at 7 o'clock when we got home, and strapped her up to the machine every three hours through the night. We got up Friday morning, and the treatments had done nothing. Her poor little chest looked like it was filled with cement and she was desperately trying to get it out. Her belly would fill out while her chest would cave in—it wasn't a pretty sight. So I made an appointment with her doc, put all the pets in their rightful places and hopped in Alice's van and headed to the doctor.

We got in and the first thing the nurse said was, "Well, she doesn't look too bad, now does she?" That's because she was walking all over the office and playing with the toys in the bucket. So I said, "Yes, that's what they said the last time she ended up in after-hours care for 5 hours and was almost sent to the ER. I bet if you take her pulse-ox it's going to be in the 80's." (anything under 90% requires oxygen). Her's was 86%. Score one for Mommy. Anyway, six breathing treatments, 3ml of oxygen, and a dose of Prednizone later, the doc comes in and says, "Well, she's still wheezing considerably, and she's not responding to the breathing treatments. I really think she would be better served and monitored at the emergency room at Children's Hospital. I've called an ambulance to take you guys over and they should be here shortly." At that point I was trying not to freak out, because my 12 year old niece Emily was with me and I didn't want to freak her out. So I just smiled and started calling people like crazy. I called my sister Bridget (the nurse) and let her know what was going on. She knew how serious it was too but was also trying not to freak out for my sake. I called my parents and let them know. They didn't care—they freaked out anyway. Then I called Ben. there wasn't anyone in charge there, so he just started calling and leaving messages with everyone he could think of and left. Luckily his office is only about 15 mintues from the doctor's office. The ambulance team we got was REALLY good (not to mention hot!!). They immediately took to Adri (in between playing with the office scale and other equipment). She played coy, but that just made them work harder to get her to smile or laugh. They got her carseat strapped to the gurney and we headed out the front door to the truck. Ben rode in the ambulance with her and Emily and I followed them in the van to Children's Hospital. I think that was about 1 o'clock. We didn't leave Children's Hospital until 6:30pm!!!!!!!! I totally understand why—they wanted to make sure that her oxygen saturation was going to stay above 95% and that she could go without a treatment for four hours (or close to it). Adri was having a grand time, but the rest of us were bored. They brought toys in for her and they had a TV/VCR in each of the triage rooms and brought in videos for her. And while I was wandering around trying to find my way to cell service, I saw a couple of older kids in rooms playing video games! All in all, it's a pretty cool place. And by this time, my mother-in-law was on her way up. She really was worried (especially with all the stuff Ben went thorugh when he was Adri's age), so she drove up from Buena Vista for the evening. She got into town just about the time we were discharged from the ER, so we met her in the parking lot of the Kaiser office, picked up the Jeep and got hugs. Ben and MIL went back to James and Alice's house to survey the damage. The poor dogs had been crated since 10am that morning, and we KNEW poor little Bingo wasn't going to make it past 3pm. We were right. He was pretty messy. But MIL knew what she was in for and cleaned him up with great gusto. Helped Ben get things settled there while I took Adri home for some much needed sleep (for both of us!).

We took her into the after-hours clinic yesterday by order from the ER to make sure that she was still responding to the steroids and her breathing treatments. The doc on call said she sounded great. She's on Prednisone twice a day for the next four days and I'll slowly wean her off the breathing treatments between today and Tuesday. I'll call in the morning to make an appointment with her doctor to discuss treatment options. Two of these episodes in two months isn't a good sign. They want to put her on a daily inhaled steroid, but I'm not real sure about that just yet. I think I'd rather have her tested first before we put her on anything daily. Maybe I'll talk to Bridget and see what she suggests. This is where my natural/organic side conflicts with my medical side. If she needs it, then she needs it. There's no getting around it. But I don't want to just give it to her blindly either.

Oy vey...I'll post pictures later today. Adri was just too cute in the ER not to snap a few pics with my cell phone.

Better Late Than Never

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 19:37:00 +0000

Last night was a little crazy. I never even did the dishes!! Ben was at work yesterday for almost 12 hours!! And not because he wanted to be. The owner of the company had the bright idea to play "musical employees" with everyone. He moved Ben's boss and another co-worker to do Ben's job and the moved Ben into his boss's job and added the work of two other co-workers. It's a VERY long story, but we're pretty sure the owner is trying to get Ben to quit. They don't dare fire him (1, because they have no just cause to and 2, because they'd NEVER get everything done). It's been a rather frustrating couple of days.

So without further ado, here are the recipes for last night's supper. Because I was chasing after dogs, cats and a toddler, don't have a picture for anything but the cheesecake. And I only have the cheesecake photo because it's the most AMAZING cheesecake I've ever made!!!

Skinny Turkey-Spinach Meat Loaf
Originally from www.cookinglight.com

Cooking spray
1 cup finely chopped onion
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 cup dry breadcrumbs
1/2 cup fat-free milk
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
4 large egg whites
1 1/2 pounds ground turkey breast
1/2 pound ground beef, extra lean
2 (10-ounce) packages frozen leaf spinach, thawed, drained, and squeezed dry
1/2 cup ketchup

Instructions: Preheat oven to 350°.
Heat a large nonstick skillet coated with cooking spray over medium-high heat. Add onion, and sauté 4 minutes. Add garlic, and sauté 30 seconds. Remove from heat. Combine onion mixture, breadcrumbs, and the next 8 ingredients (breadcrumbs through spinach), stirring well.
Shape meat mixture into a 12 x 5-inch loaf on a broiler pan coated with cooking sprhttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifay. Brush ketchup over the top of the loaf. Bake at 350° for 45 minutes or until a thermometer registers 160°; let stand 10 minutes before slicing.

Variations: To lower the carbs, substitute 1/2 cup of bread crumbs for 1/2 cup of parmesan cheese.

Calories: 292
Cholesterol: 66 mg
Fat: 9.6 g
Saturated Fat: 2.9 g
% Calories From Fat: 87.6 %
Protein: 31 g
Carbohydrates: 20.2 g
Sodium: 765 mg
Fiber: 3.1 g

We also had twice backed potatoes, recipe courtesy of The Pioneer Woman Cooks. The thing I like about this is that they are SO easy!!! All my life I've heard how complicated twice-baked potatoes are, and it's simply not true. Maybe it was just because no one wanted to make them for me. I'll leave that one to my counselor and let you have the recipe.

This recipe calls for 6 potatoes. If you use fewer, then cut your other ingredients back a little—you can just eye it. A good rule of thumb is that you'll want one or two more potatoes than you have people. That way you can really stuff the skins generously. Wash and pat the potatoes dry, and put them in a 400 degree oven for an hour and fifteen minutes. You can microwave them if you like. Just make sure they're thoroughly cooked. While you're waiting for those, place together in a bowl, two sticks of butter, one cup of crumbled bacon (you can used pre-packaged stuff if you wish), one cup of sour cream, 1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon of season salt (she uses Lawry's), one cup of Colby/Jack cheese and fresh ground pepper.

Once the potatoes are done, cut them in half length-wise, and then scoop out the insides, careful to leave a little of the potato on the skin so it won't tear or collapse. There's nothing worse in the world than a collapsed potato. Okay, maybe not in YOUR word. Anyway, scoop the insides into the bowl with the rest of the ingredients and mash 'em up all together. If the mixture looks a little too dry, you can cream it up again with a little milk. Just don't put in too much and make it soupy.

After it's all mixed together, spoon the mixture back into the hollow (but structurally sound) skins. And if you want to be really fancy, you can pipe it in with a pastry bag and decorating tip. If you really stuff them, you'll probably have skins left over. That's why you'll want to fix a couple more potatoes than you have people eating them. Once they're all stuffed, top them off with a little salt and pepper and a little more cheese, and pop 'em back in the oven at 350 degrees for 15 to 20 minutes or until everything is warmed through. You can also freeze these if you want! Just don't put green onions in the mixture if you plan to freeze them. Pioneer Woman says that freezing onioins chemically alters the taste of green onions and ruins the the whole thing.

And finally, my pièce de résistance, my Key Lime Cheesecake. I've been making my own cheesecakes for quite a while now, and this is THE FIRST TIME that my cheesecake hasn't cracked!! I can't be sure, but I have a feeling that it's due to the extra two tablespoons of flour that I added to the recipe.

Key Lime Cheesecake
1 1/2 Cup finely ground graham crackers
2 Tablespoon white sugar
1/3 Cup unsalted butter, melted
1 1/4 Pound cream cheese, softened
3/4 Cup white sugar
1 Cup sour cream
3 Tablespoon all-purpose flour
3 Each eggs
1/2 Cup key lime juice
1 Teaspoon vanilla extract

Instructions: 1. To make Crust: In a bowl stir together the graham cracker crumbs and 2 tablespoons sugar, stir in the butter well. Pat the mixture into the bottom and 1/2 inch up the side of a buttered 10 inch springform pan and bake the crust in a preheated 375 degree F (190 degree C) oven for 8 minutes. Transfer the pan to a rack and cool.

2. In a large bowl with an electric mixer, beat cream cheese and 3/4 cup sugar until smooth, beat in the eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Beat in the sour cream, flour, lime juice and vanilla. Beat the mixture until it is smooth.

3. Pour the filling over the crust. Bake the cheesecake in the preheated oven for 15 minutes, reduce the temperature to 250 degrees F (120 degrees C) and bake for 50 to 55 minutes longer, or until center is barely set. Let the cheesecake cool on a rack, then chill it, covered, overnight. Remove the cheesecake from the pan and transfer it to a cake stand.

Variations: If the batter looks a little runny, add two more tablespoons of flour.

Mmmmm....I think I'm going to go have a piece right now....

Blessed Silence

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 03:24:00 +0000

No dogs whining, no toddlers whining. And Rosie has finally stopped barking at the cats while chasing them around the livng room. What's even better is that no one is calling my name! "Brandi, why is the patio light on?" "Brandi, are you finished doing your laundry yet?" All I can hear right now is my daughter playing in the tub upstairs and the oven regulating the heat while it's cooking tomorrow's cheesecake. One of my best friend's from grade school and high school is coming over tomorrow for lunch. he's married now and lives with her husband and four kids in Kuwait. We haven't seen each other in 18 years!!! I'm having a hard time even dealing with the fact that I've KNOWN someone for 18 years! [I'm NOT old...I'm NOT OLD!!!]

Okay, so now on to tonight's supper. Tonight we dined on a pork roast seasoned with pepper lime seasoning, mushroom risotto, and fresh steamed green beans. My risotto needs a little work. It turned out more like sushi rice than creamy risotto, but it was still rather yummy. Oh, and the drippings from the roast combined with some left over grated parmesan cheese made a VERY nice gravy.

There really wasn't a recipe for the pork roast. I just covered it with olive oil and rubbed the seasoning on it. Put it in a pan and booked it at 350 degrees until center temp reached 160. It was AMAZING—VERY tender and juicy! The beans were just steamed with a little bit of salt. Below is the recipe for the risotto.

Gourmet Mushroom Risotto

6 cups chicken broth, divided
3 tablespoons olive oil, divided
1 pound portobello
mushrooms, thinly sliced
1 pound white mushrooms,
thinly sliced
2 shallots, diced
1 1/2 cups Arborio rice
1/2 cup dry white wine
sea salt to taste
freshly ground black pepper to
taste
3 tablespoons finely chopped
chives
4 tablespoons butter
1/3 cup freshly grated
Parmesan cheese

Instructions:

1. In a saucepan, warm the broth over low heat.

2. Warm 2 tablespoons olive oil in a large saucepan over medium-high heat. Stir in the mushrooms, and cook until soft, about 3 minutes. Remove mushrooms and their liquid, and set aside.

3. Add 1 tablespoon olive oil to skillet, and stir in the shallots. Cook 1 minute. Add rice, stirring to coat with oil, about 2 minutes. When the rice has taken on a pale, golden color, pour in wine, stirring constantly until the wine is fully absorbed. Add 1/2 cup broth to the rice, and stir until the broth is absorbed. Continue adding broth 1/2 cup at a time, stirring continuously, until the liquid is absorbed and the rice is al dente, about 15 to 20 minutes.

4. Remove from heat, and stir in mushrooms with their liquid, butter, chives, and parmesan. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Serves: 6
Prep Time: 20
Cook Time: 30
Total Time: 50

Calories: 459
Cholesterol: 25 mg
Fat: 18.5 g
Saturated Fat: 7.3 g
% Calories From Fat: 167 %
Protein: 13 g
Carbohydrates: 56.3 g
Sodium: 1240 mg
Fiber: 3.2 g
Trans Fat: g
Sugars: 3.3 g

Tomorrow for lunch I'm making a bunch of little pizza crusts and everyone can make their own pizzas. I thought that would be fun for the kids. And for dessert, my beloved Key Lime Cheesecake. Let me tell you—you're gonna want to eat that in private.

Until tomorrow....

Tonight's Meal....

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 02:55:00 +0000

Bacon Parmesan Crusted Tilapia, Fresh Corn Casserole and a Berry Dutch Baby for dessert. The tilapia was pretty decent, although I think next time I'll use the little "bottled" parmesan cheese rather than shredded parmesan. I think it will help the bread crumbs stick to the fish a little better. I also took a shortcut and used already cooked bacon—MUCH easier. Ben made a good point—maybe next time I should wrap partially cooked bacon around the fillets and then let it finish cooking with the fish.

Bacon Parmesan Crusted Tilapia
Coastal Living Magazine and www.myrecipes.com

8 bacon slices, cooked and crumbled
1 1/2 cups soft breadcrumbs
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
2 tablespoons chopped fresh Italian parsley
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
2 large eggs
4 (5 to 6-ounce) tilapia fillets
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
4 tablespoons butter, divided
4 tablespoons olive oil, divided

Instructions: Combine first 4 ingredients in a shallow dish. Set aside.
Place flour in a shallow dish. Whisk eggs in a medium bowl. Sprinkle fish with salt and pepper, and dredge in flour. Shake off excess, dip fish into egg, and press gently into breadcrumb mixture.
Heat 2 tablespoons butter and 2 tablespoons oil in a large heavy skillet over medium heat until butter melts. Add 2 fish fillets; cook 3 minutes on each side or until golden. Repeat with remaining butter, oil, and fish.

I didn't have quite as much luck with the fresh corn casserole. It's a pretty simple recipe—six ears fresh, uncooked corn on the cob, 2/3 cup heavy whipping cream, 3 tablespoons of butter and salt and pepper to taste. Somehow mine came out a very creamy, but runny mess. Rest assured it was good, though. I'll have to re-experiment some day soon.

Dessert, however, was my pride and joy. Behold, I give you the Berry Dutch Baby!

A Dutch Baby is similar to a German Pancake...only somehow it became Dutch. And since my husband is a Dutch baby and my baby is a Dutch baby...(but part German too), I was outnumbered and made this one. Boy, was it yummy!!! And SO incredibly EASY to make!!! It was intended for breakfast this morning, but my friend Sarah had a gallbladder attack over the weekend and wasn't able to make it down. So back in the fridge it went, and I took it out for dessert.

Berry Dutch Baby

A wonderful baked pancake that can be quickly put together without fuss. While this recipe calls for berries, pitted fruits -- peaches, plums, nectarines -- can be used with or instead of berries. If you enjoy tangy flavors, try substituting plain yogurt or buttermilk for half the milk.

3 large egg whites
2 large eggs
1 Cup All-Purpose flour
1 Cup nonfat milk
2 Tablespoon Sugar
2 Teaspoon Vanilla
1/2 Teaspoon Salt
1 Tablespoon unsalted butter or margarine
3 1/2 Cup raspberries or strawberries or blueberries (or a combo)
1/2 Teaspoon Cinnamon
2 Tablespoon powdered sugar

Instructions: 1. Pre heat oven to 425 degrees. Place cast iron skillet or other ovenproof frying pan in the oven.

2. Blend together the egg whites, eggs, flour, milk, sugar, vanilla, and salt until smooth.

3. Add butter to the hot skillet, swirling to melt butter and coat both bottom and sides of pan.

4. Pour the batter into the pan and bake 25 minutes or until until the Dutch baby is puffy and well-browned.

5. While the cake is baking, mix the cinnamon and berries in a bowl.

6. Spoon the berries onto the Dutch baby and sprinkle with powdered sugar.

7. Serve hot.

And for the first time in I've TOTALLY lost track of how long, Ben and I had an HOUR of uninterrupted time together!!!! Adri decided she didn't want to lie down this afternoon (got too long of a catnap in the car), so she was MORE than ready to go to bed at 8:30pm. It took me all of 5 minutes to get her to sleep! We're going to HAVE to figure out how to do this at home when we go back. There has to be SOMEPLACE in that house that we can go to get away from prying eyes and ears. Anyone up for drywalling?